Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
