I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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