I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
