yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What a dumb baby whore.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
