U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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