it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
