If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am one with the molecules
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
