And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
