eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
