i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
