Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
