it was like eating out sand paper
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
