i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm like, not good at living.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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