wakey wakey hands off snakey
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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