So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
