Me too!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
