What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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