these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
