If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
