She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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