I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She bit a glass in half.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
