Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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