I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
