Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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