when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
