I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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