Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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