i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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