He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Do you still have your period?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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