If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
