at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
