I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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