Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
