now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Text me some of your sweat
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
