Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
