Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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