oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
