eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
