So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
