You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
