Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
