He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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