I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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