I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We left an ass print on the piano.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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