Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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