How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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