I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
