Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
