Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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