I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
