At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
