Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
