look no pants
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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