I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
