just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
