I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
